First off I want to say Laiyla is amazing. She does new things all the time and it amazes me. She is getting so close to being on all fours when she is schooching to her destination. She is getting better at sitting up all by herself for longer periods as well. We started pees this week I cant tell if she likes them yet. Its like she grows up a little more every day I love it but it makes me a little sad at the same time because I feel like I am missing so much. I have to work its inevitable. I just wish I could find a way to be with her more. I feel like I wake up at 615 (on a good day) get ready, make my lunch back all our bags, wake Laiyla, get her ready, drop her off, work till 5:30, come home, play for an hour, eat, shower, bed. That cant feel fair to her. It just breaks my heart I don't want her to grow up and think "My mom hardly spent time with me" I have the single mom routine down but not the budget (I think I am permanently broke and in debt) or the emotional part. A part of me is still expecting home at night like prince charming and help and be family.
Hes not. I need to get over it. That was my rant, i apologize I tend to do that occasionally.
First off I want to say Laiyla is amazing. She does new things all the time and it amazes me. She is getting so close to being on all fours when she is schooching to her destination. She is getting better at sitting up all by herself for longer periods as well. We started pees this week I cant tell if she likes them yet. Its like she grows up a little more every day I love it but it makes me a little sad at the same time because I feel like I am missing so much. I have to work its inevitable. I just wish I could find a way to be with her more. I feel like I wake up at 615 (on a good day) get ready, make my lunch back all our bags, wake Laiyla, get her ready, drop her off, work till 5:30, come home, play for an hour, eat, shower, bed. That cant feel fair to her. It just breaks my heart I don't want her to grow up and think "My mom hardly spent time with me" I have the single mom routine down but not the budget (I think I am permanently broke and in debt) or the emotional part. A part of me is still expecting home at night like prince charming and help and be family. Hes not. I need to get over it. That was my rant, i apologize I tend to do that occasionally. 
Boy do I feel the same way!! All I do is work work work. Jayne comes with me and stays in the classroom next to me, and I get to see her on my lunch, but I still feel like I'm cheating her, especially because my own mom was a stay at home mom when I was growing up! I still have my husband, yes, but he sees Jayne less than I do! I'm so scared we're going to miss her first laugh, first words, first steps, and all the little things that matter. It's not fair that this is the society we live in - one of majority working parents!
ReplyDeleteI wish there were some way I could help out... I realize that I am very blessed to be able to stay at home with Adam - although I will be working this fall (babysitting a friend's little boy, so I can still stay at home with Adam) and teaching dance classes 2 evenings a week (Adam will get his Grandma & Grandpa Hale fix). I know you've thought of running a daycare - do you think that's still possible? Also - you should get your name on the list at Lincolnshire - I'll text you :)
ReplyDeleteYou definitely aren't a bad mom, you are doing the best you can and you are working hard for HER! And she will appreciate that I'm sure. :)
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